well we created a small registry last night. our parents were asking what to buy us and since we need so few things it made sense to just register for those couple things to make sure we got what we needed. we won't be telling anyone unless they ask, so i really don't feel greedy doing it. i don't think i could have timed doing the registry better. i think i have gotten to the point in this pregnancy where i can admit that there will be a baby to bring home and deciding what we might need and registering for it is just one step closer to that actually happening. we have had the talk about packing the hospital bag and it really felt surreal. we've gotten the car seat out of the attic and it might get installed in the car at some point soon. the pack'n'play sheets are washed and we might set it and the glider up in our bedroom sooner rather than later so our dog can get used to them again. delaney's big sister class at the hospital is coming up and i think my husband has filled out and sent in my hospital pre-registration form. (i had to ask him to fill it out since did the one for lillian and i don't think that is something i will be able to handle).
now on to the sad. one of my many online aquaintances' 20 week old baby died. of course i know all too well what she must be feeling and i'm sure her pain is immeasurable. during events like these that i find out about through my blogging network make me wonder if this is really the best thing for me. i gained and grew a lot from reading others blogs and was very encouraged by them. but at what point do you shift from taking to giving? can i be the type of person to offer support and consolation to strangers on the internet without it also dragging me down? could i even consider leaving the network of people who (actively or passively) helped me through so much pain in my life when they have needs? i'm going to try and reach out to this person and others, and i hope i can be of some small comfort, but in reality i don't know if i can keep it up. dragging my mind through what i was feeling that day and all the days that have passed sometimes feels like healthy therapy and somedays just makes me want to take 3 huge steps back and cry all day. we'll see how long i can handle it.
It's a difficult situation you are in. I can only think that you've got to do what is best for you and your family. I can't imagine any of us would begrudge you moving on with your life, although surely you would be missed. Certainly if it is causing you more harm than good to be here then don't.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased to hear that you registered though - that's a big and exciting step! Also - the big sister class sounds fantastic! I can only imagine what a big step that is for you but I'm pleased that it's going to happen. I hope Delaney enjoys it!
I think that words of comfort mean even more when they come from someone who has been through the same thing and can truly empathize.
ReplyDeleteI met one of my very closest online friends this way, through talking through our pregnancy losses.
And I'm sure that even though there are feelings of jealousy at first that you are going to have a baby soon, it's also comforting to know that it is possible to move forward from such a painful loss.