20 weeks. to say the least this is a really hard week for me. 20w5d is approaching and i might just be a wreck the whole day if i let myself dwell on it. with each new medical professional i met that day they all asked me how far along in the pregnancy i was. "20weeks5days" kept falling out of my mouth. what i really wanted to say was: "i know i'm not even CLOSE to 24 weeks. i know that 24 weeks is viability and the chances of my baby living even then would be low. my baby will die today. please stop asking me questions." but i know (mostly because i was in so much pain from the infection) that i didn't really have the time to absorb everything that was going on around me. in less than 24 hours from the time my water mysteriously broke my baby girl was gone. i'm not trying to be dramatic, but remembering that day and the chance that it could happen again at the same point in this pregnancy haunts me.
but my doctors are watching out for me this time. that's right i have a posse. i'm going to my specialist today and then monday (20w5d) i have a visit with my favorite OB. the reassurances i get at those visits should help me get through these next few days.
Oh god, viability - what a horribly misleading term in pregnancy! I'm so sorry you had to go through that question so many times. It was the same for me at 21 weeks - everyone asking and then the big resigned frown for the inevitable loss to follow.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how hard it must be getting back to that point, but I do hope that after Monday you can breath a little easier. One milestone down AND you've passed the halfway point. I hope you can find some peace in your medical appointments and in the conquering of 20weeks5days. <3