one would assume that visiting a doctors office where pregnant women are would be a fun and happy place. maybe for a "normal" mom or one that never experienced any kind of loss, but no longer for me. when we first realized Lillian was going to die i was not at my usual Ob's office (they have two locations). i will never ever ever set foot in that horrible place again. oh sure it's a fine office i bet, but that scene will always bring back heartbreak and pain for me and i don't believe going back will make anything better. my regular Ob's office is certainly not easy for me, but it's getting better. i don't see that it will ever be exciting or fun to go again, but maybe eventually it won't hurt quite so badly.
my perinatal doctor's office is the worst. there are generally 2 kinds of women there. scared/nervous or devastated. it's split about 50/50. i have seen it so many times now. i have to wait a while in the waiting room and it seems like they're always between 30-50 minutes behind in their appointments. the couples go in one door and when they're done they come out the other. half the time you can see the woman's tear stained, swollen face and her partner is usually rubbing her back or holding her hand. the other times you usually see the woman nervously holding her ultrasound pictures, trying to not get too excited as she waits in line to schedule her next appointment - all the while mentally keeping her fingers crossed that her baby actually makes it to the next appointment.
in short i pretty much hate baby doctor's offices now. yes i know that those doctors and technicians allow me to see my baby in 4D every 2 weeks, check me and keep my mind at ease. and yes i know there has to be a place where women like me can get the treatment we need. but it's just such a hard place to go to. but then again what IS easy about this?
I can say that maybe I've felt about .03% of what you have felt with this pregnancy, so on a much smaller scale I can empathize. For a long time, probably until our 3rd appt with her, I held a grudge with Dr.R b/c she was the one that gave us the news of our first loss. And I hate that one office at the end of the hall on the right, b/c it's where we heard both that news and also that my amnio was low and I'd have to be induced w/ JTD. So I never want to meet with any doc in that room again.
ReplyDeleteHang in...it will be February before you know it.